I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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