dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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