U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
please come you make the beer taste better
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
