I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
