you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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