i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Everything about him screamed your future.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
