i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
