i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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