i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
