I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
