you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
