I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
