I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
