god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
