I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
