We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
