____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
