Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
