Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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