Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
