Im at strip club and am horny
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
