I think scott just propositioned me for sex
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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