What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
