everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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