I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
