Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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