I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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