How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
