What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize