from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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