i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
