gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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