my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
