We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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