you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
