margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
