we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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