A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
