I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
