I just saw a hot homeless man
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
