i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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