the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
These tits shall not be calmed
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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