i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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