now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
