If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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