Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
