think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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