Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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