if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
