You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
