I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
