I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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