Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
