she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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