I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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