Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
