I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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