but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
