talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
