Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
