I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
