i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
