I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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