just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
