so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
