yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
