Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
