You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
